My husband admitted that he kissed another woman at a party we were both at two days ago. What should I do?

I’m 29 years old female and my husband is 30 years old Male, We have been together for 10 years (since we were 19), married for 2 years.

No children yet. My mental health (ADHD and severe depression) has not been good for few years and our sex life has suffered alot because of it. I am on medication and go to see someone about it once every two months.

Been trying to go to a therapist but it takes time to be assigned one. He tells me everyday that he loves me for who I am, thinks I’m beautiful and sexy and that he is lucky to have me. I have always felt the same way, he is the nicest guy I have ever met but he can be a pushover when he is drinking and wants people to like him. I am usually the one to tell him to calm down on his drinking and he usually helps me feel better when I’m not feeling good. He drinks about 4-6 times a month (not that unusual in my country) and when he does he drinks excessively and just recently he started to use drugs when offered (cocaine and prescribed medication for ADHD, NOT MINE). I drink also but maybe 2 times a month and I don’t like doing drugs.

Me, my husband and few friends and other met at my friends house to drink and play some games. Everybody was having a good time drinking and we decided to go in the hot tub.

Me, my friend and some others stayed in the hot tub while my husband was inside puking from all the drinking. A friend of a friend invited him to the bathroom to take some of her prescribed ADHD medication and went with her and afterwards they made out and fondled over their clothing (She is the ONLY CONSTANT drug user and abuser at the party). He said that they both stoped and realised what they did and went their separate way. The girl went to another bedroom to have sex with his cousin, which she has done before and everybody knows it. I know the girl and she kisses and fucks anyone and has always had a problem with drugs, her best friend since childhood says she has always been like that but said she got clean from drugs some while ago and didn’t know she was using again. She has also said that we should be friends and hang out when not drinking. I liked her but I didn’t trust her and my husband knew that and said that there was nothing to worry about.

We both have friends of the opposite sex so him being around women has never worried me because I trusted him. I always joked that if anyone would cheat then it would be me (I say that because I thought that there was no way in hell that he would be capable of it and I know I would never and the funny thing is that I said that to another person in the hot tub while he was inside. When we got home, we had sex and he told me how much he loved me, I feel disgusted. He told me two days after it happened, he wanted to wait for after he graduated (which is today and no I didn’t go) but he couldn’t keep it a secret anymore and he was so sad and full of guilt, last time I heard him cry like that was when his mom died. He says that he understands if I won’t forgive him or want to divorce because I deserve so much better. Our relationship has always had good foundation of trust and I know how he is

feeling is genuine, I just don’t know how to move on. I’m furious at him for doing this to me, to us. I will not forgive him easily and he will have to work hard to earn my trust but I’m afraid that this will always be in the back of my mind. First thing I asked him was to block her on social media, same thing as I did. I believe that this was a drunken mistake and that he won’t do it again, I myself am guilty of thinking about kissing someone else, think everyone has had that thought once or twice. I asked him if there is anything that he is hiding from me that today is the only day he will get the chance to come out with it. if I find anything else out then this marriage is over. He had nothing else to add. He said that he will quit the drugs and alcohol and will do anything to save this marriage and to earn my trust. We’ll see if he will be a man of his word. I scheduled an appointment for marriage counselling this Friday and hopefully that will help us. I also booked us a separate counseling. I don’t want to throw away 10 years of relationship down the drain but I also don’t want to waste my life with someone that may hurt me like this again. My heart is broken and I feel so betrayed and my future is blurry. I’m already dealing with severe depression and thoughts of suicide almost daily and to add this on top is almost too much for me to handle. Im sad. Im angry. I’m afraid.